Foods I prefer raw to cooked (and vice versa)

1. Oysters: RAW. I suspect I like the cocktail sauce and the exciting risk of food poisoning better than the actual mollusks.

2. Clams: COOKED. Surprise! Yes, I like my oysters raw, but clams on the half shell taste, to me, like the bottom feeders they are. Go figure.

3. Carrots: RAW. Cooked ones remind me of TV dinners. Raw ones are fun to eat 'cause they make a lot of noise.

4. Mushrooms: COOKED. Raw mushrooms are things I pick out of a salad. Cooked ones are my pizza topping of choice.

5. Monterey Jack: COOKED. If cheese were available in a permanently molten state, the world would be a better place.