For someone whose worst brush with the law involved carrying an open container of Molson Ice on the rough streets of Avalon, New Jersey, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what my last meal would be in the unlikely event that I were sentenced to death. My biggest question: are there parameters for this? I'm going on the assumption that there's not some sort of list from which I must choose. Given that it's my final dinner, shouldn't I be able to get, well, whatever the hell I want? So here goes:
1. Every single g.d. thing on my list of What My Diet Would Consist of If Nutrition Were Not an Issue.
2. An entire Thanksgiving dinner. None of those good-for-you vegetables, though. Just give me the turkey, the stuffing, the cranberry sauce (both the jellied and the chunky-style), the mashed potatoes and the gravy. Oh, yes, the gravy. (Did I happen to mention gravy?) And pie, too.
3. A half-dozen biscuits from Popeye's. Screw that: make it a dozen.
4. The omakase from Nobu. Heavy on the toro, please.
5. Chicken tikka masala with rice and naan.
6. A black-and-white milkshake.
OK, now I don't know whether to feel hungry or hurl.