Saturday, January 31, 2009

Popular things I hope never to do

1. Go to Vegas. The sheer faux-ness of it freaks me out. I have enough trouble with the surreality of Los Angeles; Vegas might just push me over the edge. I wouldn't mind visiting for a couple of hours, but considering it's 2,000 miles away, that hardly seems practical. Plus, I'm not a fan of losing money. Or buffets.

2. Watch According to Jim. I guess this counts as popular, seeing as it's been on the air since about 1956. There are a few sitcoms that are (I'm pretty sure) like this: Yes, Dear is another one. Who exactly watches these programs and why?

3. Move to the suburbs. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night gripped by the fear that someone will make me buy a house in New Jersey. Or Long Island (no offense). I grew up in what was pretty much suburbia and it was fine, but as a grown-up? I would never stop feeling like a misfit. That said -- I do enjoy those big supermarkets.

4. Read The Da Vinci Code. It just seems annoying. Plus, one of my dearest friends grudgingly read it and thought it stunk. That's enough for me.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

My current celebrity crushes

Ed. note: before posting this list, I assured Mr. SZ that unless a) he gets hit by a bus and b) I magically transform into Angelina Jolie and c) any or all of the people mentioned below suddenly become romantically unattached, he really has nothing to worry about.

1. Jon Hamm. Why wasn't this guy famous before Mad Men? Don Draper is dreamy, even with all that Brylcreem.

2. Stephen Merchant. An unlikely pick, I know. Is it the coke-bottle glasses? The awful turtlenecks he wore on Extras? The bordering-on-freakishness height? I'm gonna go with the madcap hilarity and British accent.

3. Johnny Depp. I even thought he was kinda hot as Willy Wonka. Should I seek help?

4. Barack Obama. It's quite weird to feel attracted to the soon-to-be leader of the free world. Stranger still: smoking would fall somewhere between food poisoning and genocide on a list of Things I Hate, yet I find it kind of sexy that he smokes. And oddest of all: I agree with my pal Schnormal, who says, "I have a crush on the whole family."

5. Jeff Tweedy of Wilco. Guy's got a face like a frying pan, but he's proof that anyone who picks up a guitar boosts his sex appeal by a factor of five. Plus, I once saw him play an entire show in his jammies. That's so cool.

6. This American Life host Ira Glass. Hmmm, a smart guy with nerdy glasses. Wonder why I'd dig that.