Saturday, October 31, 2009

Foods I prefer raw to cooked (and vice versa)

1. Oysters: RAW.
I suspect I like the cocktail sauce and the exciting risk of food poisoning better than the actual mollusks.

2. Clams: COOKED. Surprise! Yes, I like my oysters raw, but clams on the half shell taste, to me, like the bottom feeders they are. Go figure.

3. Carrots: RAW. Cooked ones remind me of TV dinners. Raw ones are fun to eat 'cause they make a lot of noise.

4. Mushrooms: COOKED. Raw mushrooms are things I pick out of a salad. Cooked ones are my pizza topping of choice.

5. Monterey Jack: COOKED. If cheese were available in a permanently molten state, the world would be a better place.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Movie titles that make me laugh

Ed. note: I have no desire to see any of these, er,
films, but I'm glad they were made because their titles amuse me. Don't get me started on funny porn movie names (though I will say that Regarding Hiney is a personal fave.)

1. Ernest Scared Stupid

2. Dude, Where's My Car? They're planning a sequel called Seriously Dude, Where's My Car?, which makes me very happy indeed.

3. Dr. Giggles. Extra bonus points for the tagline: "The doctor is out... of his mind!"

4. Harold and Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay

5. Bride of Chucky. Everything about Chucky makes me laugh, especially Roger Ebert's description of him: "Chucky is one mean S.O.B."

6. Joe Dirt

Thursday, October 8, 2009

10 inspirational songs from the '80s that are not terrifying

A beloved relative recently posted a link on Facebook to a list of the 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational '80s Songs. After I managed to extract "Jukebox Hero" from my brain, I decided I needed to rip it off make a list of my own. Indulge me while I revisit my lost youth.

1. "I Will Dare," The Replacements. "Call me on Thursday, if you will/Call me on Wednesday, better still." There's just something so hopeful about that.

2. "Blister in the Sun," Violent Femmes. OK, so the lyrics aren't exactly uplifting (I'd prefer not to think about how exactly Gordon Gano stained his sheets), but that jaunty little intro gives me a rush every time.

3. "It's the End of the World as We Know (and I Feel Fine)," R.E.M. Unlike many of my peers, I never managed or even attempted to learn all the words. Still, I love shouting, "Leonard Bernstein!" And really, who doesn't?

4. "Tally Ho," The Clean. Nothing like a little Farfisa to boost one's mood.

5. "Breathless," X. I love when Jerry Lee Lewis sings it too, but that wasn't in the '80s. Plus, his version doesn't have Exene.

6. "Tony's Theme," The Pixies. It's a song about a superhero named Tony... and it's called "Tony's Theme!" How great is that? Plus, I like chanting, "To-ny! To-ny!" Sub in any other two-syllable name and sing it to a friend. You'll thank me later.

7. "Teen Age Riot," Sonic Youth. Yeah, yeah, I know I said I don't like them. Except for this one song. Which just happens to be perfect.

8. "Ask," The Smiths. Because it's always good to remember that shyness, while nice, can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to.

9. "London Girl," The Pogues. "The sound of your voice wherever I may be/Changes everything and then the world's all right with me." We should all be so lucky.

10. "I Will Follow," U2. It's almost too obvious to put these guys on a list of inspirational songs. So I'm gonna.