Ed. note: I covered Pnin the Cat's eyes as I wrote this, so please get off the phone with the ASPCA, won't you?
1. Mr. (or Mrs.) Something. I'm not sure what last name I'd choose, but the notion of giving a pet a title is really cute. I might steal my pal Alaster's idea of naming a dog Miss Judy, or the lovely Meister's pick of Mr. Bones. Hope that's OK.
2. King Buzzo. This is the name of the leader of the Melvins, a band I don't particularly like. But really, how great of a moniker is King Buzzo? He's got amazing hair, too.
3. Beavis. I would probably crack up every time I called this pet's name. (Heh-heh, I said crack.)
4. Marty Markowitz. I'm not sure where I stand on his politics — I live in Queens, yo — but the Brooklyn Borough President has an awesome name. Also, I like those "Leaving Brooklyn: Oy Vey!" signs he put up on the highways.
5. Bill Murray. Because the man is a genius.