Most days I'm what Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Tony Kushner calls "happyish." On occasion, however, I fall into what likable motivational speaker Stuart Smalley calls a "shame spiral," leading me to believe I am what acerbic former MSNBC host Keith Olbermann calls "the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD." This happens after I've wasted an hour screwing around on Facebook or watching crap like Half-Ton Teen. At times like these I have to tell myself, "Honey, you've got nothing on genocidal dictator Adolf Hitler." This makes me feel somewhat better. Anyway — today, being a wintry Sunday, is one of those days. So I'm making a list of reasons why I'm fit to be part of the human race.
1. I never give waiters a hard time. I'm a good tipper, too.
2. I write a blog that amuses me and possibly others. Perhaps you've heard of it.
3. I'm kind to animals.
4. After decades of utter slugdom, I became a runner. Now that I've finished five races of 5K or more, I think it's OK to say that. I'm not fast, but I finish.
5. I can spell.
6. My sense of humor is, um, quirky. For example, I think this cartoon is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. You do, too? Let's be friends.
7. I'm not normal. Unlike 80 percent of American women my age, I don't have a kid. Unlike 95 percent of U.S. households, mine doesn't own a car. To quote bowtied funnyman Pee-wee Herman, "What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!" But it seems sort of cool.
8. I've knitted garments that people can wear without being the object of ridicule.
9. I've been happily married for nearly 15 years. To the same person, even. In some circles this counts as a major accomplishment.
10. I vote. Almost always for the good guys.