Thursday, March 17, 2011

Reasons to celebrate the Irish (that don't involve getting blind drunk)

1. They write like this.

Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead. 

2. They make music like this. (Note: the dancing is not under any circumstances to be celebrated. Same goes for the hair. And sure, I could have picked something less obvious, but why miss the chance to showcase a tiny Bono?)

3. Their countryside looks like this. (OK, I ripped this photo off the Discover Ireland web site. But I've been there, dammit, and it really is that green.)

4. They make movies like this.

5. They produce bloggers like this. Well, 5/8 of me, anyway. Hence my sick dance moves and culinary prowess.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Jobs at which I would fail

1. Cabbie. This involves two things I do not like: 1) driving and 2) dealing with the public. Oh, and those air fresheners shaped like pine trees.

2. Neurosurgeon. You really don't want me anywhere near your brain with a scalpel.

3. President. Why anyone would want this gig is beyond me. Barack Obama seems like a cool guy but he's gotta be essentially effed up to take on something like that.

4. Waiter. So what'll it be: awkward interactions, the wrong entrée or a bowl of gumbo in your lap?

5. Accountant. This job apparently has something to do with adding. Also, subtracting.

6. Prison guard. Hey, I've watched Oz: I KNOW WHAT THOSE PLACES ARE LIKE. I'm a wimp and would probably get shiv'd on my first day.

7. Stripper. Unless it was at some sort of fetish club for people who like bad middle-aged dancers with cellulite.