Saturday, October 15, 2011

Six people, living or dead, with whom I'd like to have a beer

Feel free to use any of these in your college essays or job interviews. You're welcome.

1. Willa Cather. O Pioneers! is one of my favorite books — sort of a Little House for grownups. (Never mind that I still read the Little House books as a grownup.) I'd love to hear firsthand what it was like to live on the frontier. And Cather was a pioneer in more ways than one: as a high school student, she cut off her hair and dressed like a dude. This was in 1888. In Nebraska. Gotta respect that.

2. Jimmy Buffett. Hear me out on this, hipsters. It is my contention that Jimmy Buffett has the Best Life Ever. Seriously. He makes insane amounts of money traveling around the world, playing happy music for people in aloha shirts looking for a good time. I want to ask Jimmy if his life is, in fact, one big party. Also, he's rich, so he'd be buying.

3. O.J. Simpson. If I got him alone, I'm sure I could get him to 'fess up.

4. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I saw her once at a Simon and Garfunkel concert. That was so cool. We could talk about our favorite songs, and she could tell me how she resists the urge to smack Scalia upside the head.

5. Joey Ramone. It would have to be in a really dark bar, though, because his beady eyes and awful teeth would start to freak me out after a while.

6. Laura Bush. Look, I know Michelle Obama is infinitely cooler. But I probably have more in common with Laura. We're both librarians and we both love the national parks. I think if I got a couple of pints in her, she'd drop the whole Stepford facade and tell me how she really feels about, say, Dick Cheney.