Monday, March 11, 2013

Stuff my cats have wrecked

Of all the benefits of owning cats — the entertainment, the companionship, the warming of laps the greatest may be this: they make us less materialistic. How? By wrecking our stuff. It's hard to get too attached to possessions when the beasts can ruin them at any moment. Here, a photo essay on items Mr. T and Sally Timms have either damaged or destroyed. 

1. The couch. The most expensive casualty of our cat ownership. The culprit (pictured at right) was shredding it up royal before we put that very effective and attractive double-sided tape on the arms.

2. The phone. Here's what happens when a paw introduces an Android to a ceramic tile floor. OK, maybe I shouldn't have have left the phone on the kitchen counter. But maybe the cat shouldn't have been on the counter, either. Whatever. It still works.

3. The bathrobe. Mr. T is what is known in clinical terms as a wool sucker. This robe was actually cotton, not wool, but he liked to chew on it anyway while sitting on my lap when I was wearing it. If you think you're grossed out by this, you should have seen Mr. SZ. We're still married but things were shaky for a while.

4. Many cardboard boxes. Every Amazon delivery is a cause for cat celebration. Note the tiny teeth marks; eventually this box will turn into confetti-like scraps strewn all over the living room floor. It is quite festive indeed.

5. The lampshade. This got torn during a heated battle between the cats not long after they joined our household. No great loss, considering we bought the lamp for $30 from a mean Australian lady who was moving out of our building. Of course, we planned to replace it right away. 18 months later...


6. The toilet paper. Sure, it was hilarious to watch them unravel roll after roll, but it made our purchase of environmentally friendly TP a bit pointless. The fun stopped when Mr. SZ went all MacGyver on them with this elaborate protection device (patent pending).


7. The purple cardigan. This one isn't totally the cats' fault; moths ate a hole in it first. Since Mr. T the Wool Sucker is obsessed with sweaters I made this one the sacrificial lamb. He drags it around the apartment, which is really cute. No, seriously. I keep trying to catch it on video so I can put it on YouTube and make him the next Maru.